Memorial created 11-10-2006 by
Olesya V Novikova
January 27 1998 - November 30 1999
I have heard it, speak of it, the 'signs' that we are able to get from our children as they are angels watching for us. I have not recall such any 'sign'. I think, sometime, perhaps I am to serious at looking for what only is 'real', and I miss the unreal; the beyond real. Them things I do not understand good at all. So I have miss perhaps signs my Olya have try to give to me.
I have now, I am trying to look to them. And so, the other day, it was nice enough day, and it is quite obvious, spring is here, as some the trees, they are more green again, and it becomes warmer. Is nice time of year. And even as there was no storm at all, there was quite the clouds in the sky, not dark, but white, and quite thick clouds.
And when I look up at the sky, I see the first sign I can imagine is from my angel Olya. Because, I have always been one who like to look at clouds, and try to imagine the pictures of them. And to me, these clouds were very clear, that they are clouds to look like the wings of an angel. And I spend the rest of the day with a smile, knowing that my angel is with me, and knowing that now, I can see other signs she give to me.
Спасибо, моя красивая дочь. Я люблю Teбя, теперь и всегда.
Olya says 'Privet'
I have heard so much, in the grieving parents support group I am in, of how butterflies, they are thought to be 'angel signs'. I have never paid so much attention to them before, to me, always they have been bugs. Larger, and perhaps more nice looking, but bugs. Well, today as I was out with my friend, we were walking to do errands, there was this one that seem like it keep flying near us. First we walked through a park area, to get to a shop we was going to (we are still learning more this area of the new apartment), so I figure it, well, it is in the park because there is flowers and such. But it keep coming at us, as we were going to store, and back out of it. It would fly away, come back, fly away, come back.
As we were walking again through the park to get back to apartment, it land on me. Then it get off and land on my friend. It is like we are being attacked by this strange thing. Andrey finally put out his hand, and it land there. And stay there. It is quite large butterfly, and all different kinds of brown, with 'eyes'.
My daughter, she was quite dark, her hair, her eyes, if she was outside her skin would get dark easy, just as mine. Her mother and me, we both are more dark also, and her grandparents, aunt and uncle. She always was around these 'dark' people, and when she see a little light haired baby in the store once, she look at her, look at me, and say 'oh, she not done yet'. I thought it was very funny, how she think only the dark haired people are 'done'. It do not at all surprise me, that this butterfly, if it is Olya, is all brown. And beautiful.
I did not have good camera with me, I had only the 'cheap' digital camera I buy for holiday soon, and I did not know if I will get good picture before it fly away. But it just sit there, for few minutes, and when we get home and see the pictures, we see one or two is rather good ones.
It is day late for Victory Day, but I do believe it was my daughter, 'just saying hi'.
Hello my angel child, I love you. Thank you to say hello.
Earlier this week, for my friend's birthday, several of us went out to the country area, to spend a day swimming and hiking some, and just being out in nature. At first, it look like it was not going to be a good day to do it, as the day was dark, and there was clouds. But as you can see, it was turned into a better day.
As we was driving out there, this is the view we saw. I know I have seen the sky like this before, but I had never noticed how powerful it is, how special it is. My friend say it is a 'God sky'. I do not know of that, but it definitely is something very special, and I think, very much meant for us, as it was guiding us to out where we were going. It was a very nice day after all, and very peaceful and calm, happy one. Thank you Olya, for making it so nice for us. My love to you.
|Olya showing the way|
|The temper tantrum|
I talk with my daughter. Some people pray. I talk with my daughter. Maybe it is crazy. Probably. But I do. I was walking with a friend one day through a park, and he was looking to take pictures for a class, and I was talking with my daughter. Not so much like, out loud. But there was something that I had been thinking of doing, had been thinking on it for some time. And it was something that would be difficult, and perhaps cause upset to some people and hurt feelings. But at that time, I was thinking of it, that it was importent enough, that I was still wanting to do it. The day, it had been raining some, and the whole day, it just had been grey and cold like, like it was 6 in the afternoon all day. It had stopped rain, but still was grey, and I think my mood, it rather was match to the weather. Just was dark and grey. But I was still trying to find some peace, talking to my daughter about this decision I was trying to make. And finally, I asked her, 'Olya, what do you think of it?' It was sudden, there come this wind, that last for like half minute or minute, blowing all the leaves around like crazy. It had not been windy at all, all day, even when it was rainy. This wind just come out from nowhere, blow all the leaves around, and then just go away again. There was no more wind after, not at all for the rest of the day. I think that was Olya making it known that she do not like what is my idea. At least, that is how it seem as it to me. I decide not to do it. I want my daughter happy, and to do what I can to make her that way. At least my friend get a good photo for his class.
Angel signs, 'Orbs'
It was not until I joined an online grieving parent group that I learned about 'angel signs', and about 'orbs'. Angel signs are just things that happen that are like our lost child talking to us, or to let us know they are here to look after us. Actual, they are things that perhaps some people would think to be 'coincidence' and not think so much about them. But for us, they are a connection to our lost child, and what else may be coincidence then when God choose to be working in secret?
Another thing I had not heard of before was of the significance of 'orbs'. Orbs are spots, objects that show up in photos that was not seen when you taken the photo. Orbs are often thought to be spirits, angels, that are with us even when we can not see them.
I had not realized it until I had shared some of our photos from vacation last year, but another parent point out to me that many of the photos show 'orbs'. I had not realize it at the time, but looking back at the photos, I can see quite many in them, and wished to share them here.
'Sign' from Marya
Recently, I suffered the loss of my 6-month old neice, Marya. It was much devestation to my sister and her husband, and to myself also. Another loss of another innocent and sweet child, who done nothing wrong. There is no meaning to it, there is no purpose to it. I do not understand it. There is no understanding of something that do not make sense such like that.
A week or such later, I was walking through the park, and watching the small birds looking for food in the snow. I had a packaged nutrition bar, and took some of it apart and throw it for them, and watch them all go after the food, and thinking, they are near like children themself right now, so helpless and needing. And when I was getting ready to throw some more out, one of the birds come up and sit on my hand, rather looking at me some and eating some of the food in my hand. I look at him, he is rather odd looking, but he is not even eating so much, just more looking at me. This is of course, a bird, so perhaps he was just watching, waiting to fly away when I start to move. But to me, it was rather like the bird was studying me, communicating to me, and perhaps even thanking me for the food. It was a rather interesting connection to feel, and part I wondered, if this little tiny bird who study me so much, if he was a sign from Marya, that she is all right and flying free now. It was a feeling of some peace, the only time in some weeks, and it was very much welcomed.
Recently, some friends and I went on a vacation to Kenya, to work with a volunteer project for three weeks. This is something that all of us were interested to do, but as the work was at an orphanage, I was some worried at first, going there. I was quite sure it would be emotional for me to work with so much children as that, and that I would want to bring them all home. Which, perhaps in some ways is true, all of them are very special little people. But of course, even if you say you are not to make favorites, you will have them. It is human.
The child who become most special to me, her name was Shandi, but she was called by Lisa. She was just around 3 years age, and if she did not have family, I think truly I would have tryed to bring her home with me. When first we come into the orphanage, there was several of the workers who was walking us all around, showing us where things are and explaining what our work with be, such as that. And we gone into the 'main' room, which I guess is like day room where the children mostly are for lessons and meals and such, and there is different groups of children sitting at tables with crayons and such, or toys and games. And this little girl, she just come right up to me, this little child I have never meet before of course, and she just take my hand and walk me over to her table to color crayons with her. And that was it, I was her favorite the whole time we are there, and honest, of course she was mine also. She just was a beautiful, very sweet little girl, she had a laugh that remind me some of Olya, and just the face of an angel. If anyone could have not fall in love with her, I do not know how that can be.
Now, it is not for me to say anything about 'God' or other matters of nature and universe. What is the creator of all this, I don't know. But it only seem right to me, that some spirit or being, the spirit of my child perhaps, cause this little girl to walk across the room and take my hand. I know that she have family there, and will probably return to them hopefully soon, but just, there is a piece of my heart that remains with that little girl in Kenya.
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